Various Thoughts From October 25 to November 6

I rode in to the office on the back of a moto taxi. My driver's name was Rolex. Yup, that pretty much covers it.
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Grid power, I miss you so...
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I love my friends, for many reasons, but this stands out today: "Rule #726-- never ride on a motorcycle driven by a dude named Rolex. "
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Halloween? Psh. We have zombies EVERY day.
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A coconut just fell from a tree, and I was around, and heard it. That's about as philosophical as I will get this evening.
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I love me, for a lot of reasons, but I just told someone "right now I'm drinking bugs, so ask me in another month." I left out the part about explosive diarrhea from either griyo, habanero piklis, or a gastrointestinal encounter of the third kind.
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Regarding apples and oranges...please don't compare them. If you do, I'll point out they both have interesting qualities, but are unrelated.
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The world lost a great teacher, friend, and mother this week. We love you Carol Field, and you will be missed. For the rest of us, please hug and kiss the ones you love while you can.
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Have you ever heard the sound of your eyes shutting? I have. I'm not sure how to feel about it.
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You know what I like? The fact that people I love have children at at least twice the rate as I lose people that I love. If that isn't a pro-sex ad, I don't know what is.
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As many bug-bites as I woke up with I'd be shocked if I DIDN'T have malaria.
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You probably think this post is about you. Oh jebus where are these bugs coming from? gah!
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I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Helen Back. Odd name, I know, but she sure is purty.
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So what do I do when I get home? Pretty sure I'll hug a few friends and have a beer. Oh, and enjoy some electricity and water. Those are a bit underrated. (Editor's note: Chris should be back in the USA before Thanksgiving in that country.)
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Things seen today...full length plate glass door on a motorcycle. A lady carrying what appeared to be a midget blow-up doll. U.N. soldiers shopping with rifles. Yup. It's Haiti.
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Today I think I amused more Haitians than they did me. That's a good day. Also, I got upgraded to "blanco." That's good...right?
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Cold air. I wonder how bad that will freak me out.
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Water. It will keep you alive, and destroy anything you know.

Left Behind

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Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. June, 2011. L to R are my friends Lauren Nelms, (me), Jon Orsborn, Thomas Human Microphone Hudson, and Zachary Allen Cerrato.

Backstory: They recruited me as a medical translator/assist for a 10 day trip, and I decided to stay for a few months.

When I See Helicopters...

So, I screamed like a little girl when a mouse surprised me today (so much for Ramguyver), I saw an ancient x-ray machine on an ox-cart pulled by humans, and saw a guy with a t-shirt that read "When I see helicopters, I shit my pants." Welcome to Haiti.

Breakin' the Law, Breakin' the Law

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Cancer and Bucket Baths

I have a friend going under the knife today for the removal of a cancerous tumor. Please say a prayer for her to the deity of your choice today or just send her good vibes. A donation to cancer research causes would just be icing on the cake.
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So, someone stole the wire from the electrical pole for grid power (which only worked 15-20% of the time at random intervals anyway) which means no water pump, which means back to bucket baths. Yay me.

First Day of Dry Season?

Today felt like the first day of what I remember as the dry season here. Think autumn, but still hot. And chronometers and thermometers are useless here...no one else uses them...you just feel.

Long Drive

Um...if you are from Paragould and are missing a truck, I might know where it is.

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I was standing outside the office having a smoke on National Rt. 1 and there it was. Excuse the photography, that is my mobile phone and probably had griyo grease on the lens. The guys shouted, hey we didn't give you permission to take a picture! I told them they shouldn't park the truck in public on a national highway then. All Haitians think you're going to make money by taking pictures. The only way that will happen here is if there is a reward back home for information on that truck.

Early Days of This Trip

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 Editor's note: I have no information on these, but I'm not sure they need a lot of explanation.

He Likes It! Hey Whitey!

I think I've done wonders for a local griyo stand. People figure if whitey eats it, it must be good. I was embarrassed though by the cook, because she served me before some people that were in line before me. It made me want to watch "Blazing Saddles." "Where all da white women at?"

At Work

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Haircut by me. Specs by Walgreens. Shirt and tie by Renner studios. Pants by Carthart. Shoes by Deafne. Coffee by Haiti. And for the record, that's hand sanitizer in the pump bottle.

Two Men and a Pig

Today I added to the list of "shit you don't see very often, even in Haiti" with the sighting of two men and a full grown pig on a motorcycle. Side note, if the late Mr. Mercury was correct with the lyric "Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go 'round" then Haiti's women are doing more than their share of turning the world. DNA trumps nutrition? *shrug*

I Swear There's, Bugs in My Griyo

You know what pisses me off? Ants in my griyo, that's what.

Timeline of a Sunday

12:40 a.m. - If listening to "Close to the Edge" by Yes in Haiti is wrong, I unequivocally don't want to be right. It makes my brain happy.
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1:25 a.m. - Idiocracy or Team America, voting begins below. As in what should I fall asleep to.
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6:33 a.m. - and I'm awake WHY?!?!?!?
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8:36 a.m. - I'm a bit slow. I just realized why Haitians like straws. It allows you to drink your beverage of choice without drinking the bugs that are on top. Extra protein, sure, but do you know where those bugs have been?
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4:33 p.m. - The humor of me watching "Idiocracy" while chatting with someone and playing "Angry Birds" simultaneously is not lost on me.

Blan Bob

I learned I have a new nickname: "Blan Bob." Roughly translated it means "whitey that has a soul-patch." I guess it beats the hell out of hearing "throw whitey on the ground."

Yes, There is Something I Can't Do

Whilst having dinner with a friend of mine from France the other night (and in recognition of my Ramguyverness) he asked "Chris, is there anything you CAN'T do?!?" I sat and thought really hard for about 30 seconds and said "Makeup. I've never done a woman's makeup for her." Blank stares, all around the table. Then laughs.

Dad Doing Better and Multilingual Flirting

Thanks to all that sent prayers and good vibes to my Dad. He is fine and is the proud owner of a normal ECG. On a lighter note, I was hit on in three languages today. Bonus: by one chick.

Sometimes Ya Gotta Go Redneck

Please say a prayer to the deity of your choice or just good thoughts for my Dad tomorrow. Heart procedure # I don't know what. Thanks. As a side note, if turning on some Dwight Yoakam to drown out the Voudou drums down the road is culturally insensitive, I don't want to be culturally sensitive. Those that know me know I'm cool with it, but sometimes you need a redneck break.

Tragedy Provides Teaching Opportunity

There's nothing like a plane crash with fatalities a few miles from the classroom to provide concrete examples for the journalism class I teach. I hate to use such dark examples, but death is a part of life, and journalism. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

Plane Bad News

A plane went down outside of the city. No details yet. Thanks rainy season (big storms this afternoon).

Stereotype

Haitians in general are a very loud people. There, I said it.

No Lime in This Coconut

Sure, I live in Haiti, but life is about trade offs sometimes. I'm eating a fresh coconut from a tree in the yard. A kid climbed the tree to get it for me, and the lady of the house tidied it up with a machete for me. Awesome.

Star Wars

You know what sucks? Re-watching Star Wars IV, V, and VI as an older adult and thinking over and over "Well that didn't make a damn bit of sense."

Pretend With Me... Cuz This is Real

I would like you, my fellow Americans, to imagine the UN deciding that your cities and communities needed policing by foreign nationals that are more heavily armed than anything you have, seem to do nothing of benefit, and rape your fellow citizens on occasion. Women, and men alike. What would you do?

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It isn't good; I know that. The UN troops seem to be stepping up patrols, and look nervous. The people are angry, and I don't blame them one bit. I hope this doesn't blow up in all our faces.

I've got my 10-spot and a knife, but this has the brewings of something going very wrong. Tensions are high, and everyone in control seems to be backpedaling and in CYA mode.

Let me put it this way: it is the first time I've seen heavy armor rolling into this city, and it didn't look like a joy ride.

My exit strategy is that I'll leave when I'm damn good and ready to. Haitians love me because I don't take their b.s. As long as I'm not mistaken for U.N. the locals will actually protect me.

The Nepalese units are actually really nice guys though. Had dinner with them a few times up on the plateau.

(Editor's note: The above paragraph was pieced together from Chris' status and his follow-ups to friends' comments.)

UN Armored Personnel Carrier Rolls In

If I had a twitter account, I'd put it there, but I just saw a U.N. armored personnel carrier, complete with gun turret rolling toward Cap-Haitien. I think I'll stay home tonight.

Griyo Chitlins and Killing My Dad

I think I hurt my students' brains today. I better turn it down to 10.5. And I think I just ate griyo chitlins. And they are killing my Dad nest Thursday, then theoretically bringing him back to life to fix his cardiac issues. My life is so simple.

Heavy Fuel

ok, I think I've figured out the griyo obsession. It's concentrated protein, salty and over fried, plantains are the carbs, and the pikles is the flavor. Where I get it now is at a moto-taxi junction. Those guys ride all day, need energy and something that won't go bad or give them diarrhea. Huh...it only took me 3 months to get this right. Slow learner, sorry.

Significance Not Lost

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This was not staged, other than me leaning down onto the highway that goes to the D.R. (Dominican Republic). If you thought the significance of seeing that and now turning 40 is lost on me, you'd be wrong. In fact I find it hilarious.

Birthday Trip to the Dominican Republic

So who thought I'd be turning 40 in Haiti? Raise your hands....c'mon....yeah, me neither. Well at least I don't have to put up with all the "you're old jokes." They guess me late 20's early 30's here, and are shocked when I say 40. Yay me. So, I'm gonna hit the beach!

A Bargain and Douglas Adams

I ran all over the city, then to Ft. Liberte to get some truck paperwork done. At the market there I found a cool pair of flip-flops for 1/4 the price I would have paid in the states. The best part? My European shoe size is 42. If you don't know the significance of that, Douglas Adams would like a word with you. Yes I'm leaving the stickers on.

Rescuing Canadians

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, nor do you expect to go rescue 3 stranded Canadians from the Citadelle in Haiti.  Their transportation broke down in a rather (to them) remote area. I had a truck so went and got them for a friend. They weren't terrified, but nervous. Me, I'd just say "get what you need and let's hike out."

Getting Better

I was hospitalized for a stomach bug and dehydration. I'm alive and on the mend!

Try This

I want you to look to your left, then right, then kiss every person on the cheek. If something bad comes of that, I'll be surprised.

Really?

Just received an email from the travel folks wanting me to confirm a slight schedule change for my flight in Dec. I giiggled maniacally. My first thought was "and I'm going to get to that plane HOW?"

What I'm Doing Now

I teach media and maintain a computer lab. We do English, French, Spanish, and journalism. I plan to expand that to include editing, production, recording, etc. It actually is, seriously, pretty damn cool. This was supposed to be a 10 day trip. Oops.

RamGuyver

Information is sketchy and varied. I'll just do my usual. I am prepared and will do my best. Or I'll RamGuyver it. As needed. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Knife

I should have said goodbye when your fists swung hello. Violence is never the answer. That said, I do, indeed, carry a blade. I never, ever want to use it. Handy for cleaning one's nails though.

The Dog Knows

So when the dog refuses the leftover ramen that you just had, yet gobbles up the stale Dominican cheetoes you had yesterday... I'm gonna predict a gastrointestinal bad day. Call me a cynic.

Bucket Time

I smell like a drunk fish. There's a perfectly good reason for this, and the story isn't nearly as entertaining as one might think. I predict a bucket of water will rectify the situation.

Dead Goat

Had my plans derailed by a flat tire and a dead goat. Check. Welcome to Haiti. And if you think that will stop me, you'd be wrong.

Duct Taped Boots and a Beach

What 2 months in Haiti might do to a good pair of waterproof, steel toed work boots.

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Blan

I am a Blan. Loved and embraced by some, hated and feared by others.  Silly me, I just thought I was a human.

Feeling Dirty with an Exploratory Bug

I feel dirty. The insect that woke me up this morning by exploring my ass-crack didn't even leave its name or number...I feel violated. Not even a "Hey, I'll call you!" Aren't there any nice insects out there?

Lesly's

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Showering in the Rain

Showering in the rain is fun. When you put a bucket out to catch what's coming off the roof in Haiti, the fun part becomes debatable.

Big Bug

HHOOOOOLLL​LLEEEECRAA​AAAP. I just saw what appeared to be a huge cockroach.​ Never seen this species before, but took a pic for an ID. I don't like the idea of bugs that can do damage. I also don't like killing things. Where is Heather Watkins Raymond and my BB rifle when I need them?


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Cheap Date

I have 10 gallons of potable water, and 5 gallons of gasoline, and that makes me happy. Sue me, I'm a cheap date.

Moving for a Gig

I am proud to announce I've moved to Cap-Haitien and am volunteering for CIMT for a month as a teacher and tech guru. (Mark's note: Caribbean Institute of Media Technologies = CIMT.  Read about them here.)

Quick Pic

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Mmm... Fresh Popcorn

Had fresh popcorn...take THAT fried plantain! Actually street griyo and plantain are on my agenda tonight. Have a good weekend everyone! Special shout out to the HSHS class of '91 from Haiti!

Red Shirt Concern?

I'm going to Cap-Haitien today through Monday to meet with an org there. I'm wearing a red shirt on my journey...I hope it doesn't have any Star Trekkie significance.

Thanks for the Packages

I would like to thank everyone for the well wishes and offers of care packages. I'm absolutely fine now, and trust me, I'll yell if I need something. I'm not posting an address publicly because it costs me significantly to have packages shipped. Love to all!

How Would You Like That Sliced?

I just love going to the Haitian hospital. Took a cook who sliced her hand while cutting raw chicken. Yes, stitches are needed, and no I'm not eating the chicken.

I had lidocaine and sutures at the house, but I figured I'd take her all official-like to the hospital. The bill was 25 goudres.

First Care Package

My first care pkg came...WOO-HOOOOOOOO!

Clarification

I was not trying to make light of a death at all. Trust me, the image is burned in my mind. I did not photograph the man's body out of respect. That and I'd not inflict that image on anyone.

The U.N. were already on the scene waiting on the magistrate to declare a death. I'm thankful, or I would have had to stop to evaluate. but from the corpse's appearance, there was no way he was anything but dead.

Road Kill and a Rainbow

Had a dichotic Friday; I saw human road kill and a full rainbow in the same day (I took a photo of the rainbow). Today helped diagnose and repair a solar-powered reverse osmosis desalinization plant, and fixed some networking problems on La Gonave.

Find Meds and Fixing Computers

I had a typical day in Haiti. Told some parents their child is not long for this world. Fixed a computer. Ate some rice. Found some meds for a friend. Got invited for pizza at an orphanage. 3.7 earthequake in PAP. Was stood up for a consulting gig. It's Prestige (TM) time.

Shaved my Head

In honor of shaving my head, I went and hung out at the UN camp with the guys from Nepal and watched Nepalese rap videos. No, I'm not making this up.