Early Days of This Trip

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 Editor's note: I have no information on these, but I'm not sure they need a lot of explanation.

He Likes It! Hey Whitey!

I think I've done wonders for a local griyo stand. People figure if whitey eats it, it must be good. I was embarrassed though by the cook, because she served me before some people that were in line before me. It made me want to watch "Blazing Saddles." "Where all da white women at?"

At Work

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Haircut by me. Specs by Walgreens. Shirt and tie by Renner studios. Pants by Carthart. Shoes by Deafne. Coffee by Haiti. And for the record, that's hand sanitizer in the pump bottle.

Two Men and a Pig

Today I added to the list of "shit you don't see very often, even in Haiti" with the sighting of two men and a full grown pig on a motorcycle. Side note, if the late Mr. Mercury was correct with the lyric "Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go 'round" then Haiti's women are doing more than their share of turning the world. DNA trumps nutrition? *shrug*

I Swear There's, Bugs in My Griyo

You know what pisses me off? Ants in my griyo, that's what.

Timeline of a Sunday

12:40 a.m. - If listening to "Close to the Edge" by Yes in Haiti is wrong, I unequivocally don't want to be right. It makes my brain happy.
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1:25 a.m. - Idiocracy or Team America, voting begins below. As in what should I fall asleep to.
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6:33 a.m. - and I'm awake WHY?!?!?!?
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8:36 a.m. - I'm a bit slow. I just realized why Haitians like straws. It allows you to drink your beverage of choice without drinking the bugs that are on top. Extra protein, sure, but do you know where those bugs have been?
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4:33 p.m. - The humor of me watching "Idiocracy" while chatting with someone and playing "Angry Birds" simultaneously is not lost on me.

Blan Bob

I learned I have a new nickname: "Blan Bob." Roughly translated it means "whitey that has a soul-patch." I guess it beats the hell out of hearing "throw whitey on the ground."

Yes, There is Something I Can't Do

Whilst having dinner with a friend of mine from France the other night (and in recognition of my Ramguyverness) he asked "Chris, is there anything you CAN'T do?!?" I sat and thought really hard for about 30 seconds and said "Makeup. I've never done a woman's makeup for her." Blank stares, all around the table. Then laughs.

Dad Doing Better and Multilingual Flirting

Thanks to all that sent prayers and good vibes to my Dad. He is fine and is the proud owner of a normal ECG. On a lighter note, I was hit on in three languages today. Bonus: by one chick.

Sometimes Ya Gotta Go Redneck

Please say a prayer to the deity of your choice or just good thoughts for my Dad tomorrow. Heart procedure # I don't know what. Thanks. As a side note, if turning on some Dwight Yoakam to drown out the Voudou drums down the road is culturally insensitive, I don't want to be culturally sensitive. Those that know me know I'm cool with it, but sometimes you need a redneck break.

Tragedy Provides Teaching Opportunity

There's nothing like a plane crash with fatalities a few miles from the classroom to provide concrete examples for the journalism class I teach. I hate to use such dark examples, but death is a part of life, and journalism. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

Plane Bad News

A plane went down outside of the city. No details yet. Thanks rainy season (big storms this afternoon).

Stereotype

Haitians in general are a very loud people. There, I said it.

No Lime in This Coconut

Sure, I live in Haiti, but life is about trade offs sometimes. I'm eating a fresh coconut from a tree in the yard. A kid climbed the tree to get it for me, and the lady of the house tidied it up with a machete for me. Awesome.

Star Wars

You know what sucks? Re-watching Star Wars IV, V, and VI as an older adult and thinking over and over "Well that didn't make a damn bit of sense."

Pretend With Me... Cuz This is Real

I would like you, my fellow Americans, to imagine the UN deciding that your cities and communities needed policing by foreign nationals that are more heavily armed than anything you have, seem to do nothing of benefit, and rape your fellow citizens on occasion. Women, and men alike. What would you do?

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It isn't good; I know that. The UN troops seem to be stepping up patrols, and look nervous. The people are angry, and I don't blame them one bit. I hope this doesn't blow up in all our faces.

I've got my 10-spot and a knife, but this has the brewings of something going very wrong. Tensions are high, and everyone in control seems to be backpedaling and in CYA mode.

Let me put it this way: it is the first time I've seen heavy armor rolling into this city, and it didn't look like a joy ride.

My exit strategy is that I'll leave when I'm damn good and ready to. Haitians love me because I don't take their b.s. As long as I'm not mistaken for U.N. the locals will actually protect me.

The Nepalese units are actually really nice guys though. Had dinner with them a few times up on the plateau.

(Editor's note: The above paragraph was pieced together from Chris' status and his follow-ups to friends' comments.)

UN Armored Personnel Carrier Rolls In

If I had a twitter account, I'd put it there, but I just saw a U.N. armored personnel carrier, complete with gun turret rolling toward Cap-Haitien. I think I'll stay home tonight.

Griyo Chitlins and Killing My Dad

I think I hurt my students' brains today. I better turn it down to 10.5. And I think I just ate griyo chitlins. And they are killing my Dad nest Thursday, then theoretically bringing him back to life to fix his cardiac issues. My life is so simple.

Heavy Fuel

ok, I think I've figured out the griyo obsession. It's concentrated protein, salty and over fried, plantains are the carbs, and the pikles is the flavor. Where I get it now is at a moto-taxi junction. Those guys ride all day, need energy and something that won't go bad or give them diarrhea. Huh...it only took me 3 months to get this right. Slow learner, sorry.

Significance Not Lost

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This was not staged, other than me leaning down onto the highway that goes to the D.R. (Dominican Republic). If you thought the significance of seeing that and now turning 40 is lost on me, you'd be wrong. In fact I find it hilarious.

Birthday Trip to the Dominican Republic

So who thought I'd be turning 40 in Haiti? Raise your hands....c'mon....yeah, me neither. Well at least I don't have to put up with all the "you're old jokes." They guess me late 20's early 30's here, and are shocked when I say 40. Yay me. So, I'm gonna hit the beach!

A Bargain and Douglas Adams

I ran all over the city, then to Ft. Liberte to get some truck paperwork done. At the market there I found a cool pair of flip-flops for 1/4 the price I would have paid in the states. The best part? My European shoe size is 42. If you don't know the significance of that, Douglas Adams would like a word with you. Yes I'm leaving the stickers on.

Rescuing Canadians

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, nor do you expect to go rescue 3 stranded Canadians from the Citadelle in Haiti.  Their transportation broke down in a rather (to them) remote area. I had a truck so went and got them for a friend. They weren't terrified, but nervous. Me, I'd just say "get what you need and let's hike out."

Getting Better

I was hospitalized for a stomach bug and dehydration. I'm alive and on the mend!